Posts Tagged ‘dealing with breakup’
Dealing With Break Up? Then Don’t Be A Fool
Having trouble dealing with break up and looking for help, especially if you are still in love with your ex? First you have to decide whether you want to try and win them back or find help to move on.
When dealing with break up, if you decide to move on, the help you need will depend mainly on how bad the end of the relationship was. If it was one of those highly charged emotionally draining events, then you will probably need months to get over it sufficiently to be able to move on with your life. T
Firstly, when coping with break up, you need to get your self-esteem back to a reasonable level. In other words, look after number one. OK, so you won’t feel like going out much, but try and give yourself a time limit to sit and be miserable. Remember that when dealing with breakup, it might not be your fault even if you feel it is. It takes two. Stop wondering if it was something you had done or not done, it is unlikely it would have caused the breakup, but it could have been the catalyst that triggered it.
Ensure any help you get is primarily focused on looking after yourself, let your ex find their own way even if you do still have strong feelings for them. It just is not your responsibility any now.
Try talking to a professional as soon as possible as this may help you get more perspective. One reason for you to feel really emotional at this time is because your self-esteem has been knocked. This is why rebuidling it is important.
When you have began to sort yourself out, this is the point when dealing with breakup, where you need to work out if you want to try and get your ex back. If so, then you still need to rebuild your self-respect, but you should also still put yourself first. Additionally, develop a strategy to allow you to be strong enough to try and make up with your ex.
Once you’re through the initial stages of the breakup and you feel stronger, you then make contact with your ex. Ask for a meeting somewhere completely neutral. When you meet up, remain calm and try not to get emotional. Explain that you still have feelings for them and that you’ve had time to think and would like another chance to make your relationship work. Make sure you listen to what your ex has to say, it doesn’t matter whether you agree or not, but you must listen.
Don’t try and force any decisions there and then, give them time to think and wait for them to contact you. Be honest with yourself, realise it could go either way. Just accept that if you decide to try, you will have given it your best shot and if it isn’t to be, accept that fate has something else in store for you. Dealing with break up is no simple task, but remember that it may not be all your fault, a relationships takes two and both can be at fault.
Making up with your ex is not impossible, the Magic of Making Up may help you in coping with break up and getting back with your ex.
Coping with a breakup
There are relationship which ends suddenly and there are some which almost made it to last. Whatever the reason for the separation, it will always involve pain and grief. But there are ways to deal with a breakup. Here are some tips to survive the fall-out.
Accept it’s over
The initial reaction after a breakup is shock. Some people still awaits for a formal declaration that the relationship is over even if they knew that it isn’t working out.
However, to some people, the reality of a breakup is hard to sink in and takes months to finally accept it. These people usually daydream of reconciling with their ex and a reunion.
Understanding what went wrong
Dealing with a breakup mean accepting what went wrong with the relationship so you can take the first step to your early recovery. Do not dwell on the blaming game and identifying who was at fault. It won’t help if you look for your faults or asking yourself if you deserve the fate. The most positive approach is to focus on the relationship itself, instead of dwelling on fault-finding.
It is more positive to ask questions such as “How was things when you first stated dating?,” “What attracted you to each other,?What was special with the relationship?”How did you and your partner changed?”What outside factors that may have influenced your union?”Why did you not make the adjustments?”
The answers to your questions may be hard to swallow, but understanding the reasons will make it easier for you to let go and move forward. You may feel confusion, guilt, betrayal, sadness, anger and all sorts of emotions.
Keeping it together
Aside from these many emotions you are undergoing, there are many issues that you have to address immediately when dealing with a breakup. These includes:
The children – This is the most important and the most difficult task to address. You have to make arrangements for support, and time, parental access, childcare, informing the school, visitation to in-laws, birthday and Christmas.
Money and property – You also have to face the decision on who take possession of which property. Who gets to stay in the house? And who gets to keep the dog? You have to manage the finances now that you have lesser income.
Friends and family – What will you tell your parents/siblings/extended family members/friends? How much details should you give. And you should also maintain relationships with your in-laws.